Elinaaa

2010-07-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

He seem so moody today when talking on the phone with him. Baby what did I do wrong or say something wrong again? Why are you giving me attitude? I really don't know..

Sometimes is not I don't understand you or what but its because I act not to understand you, hoping that you'll just pamper me you know? Which girl would not like their boyfriends to pamper them.. Somemore you're my fiancee lehh. It hurts to see you like this and it hurts even more if I don't know what happening to you. :( Can you stop being like this. Can't we just be normal and stay together happily?

Went to amici again today at 11am. x.x TIRED!! But still my heart is missing him still. :):) Power okays can multi-task! :DD People there are like super nice nice.:) Can't wait till sunday and I'll be seeing him again.:):)

HE'S MOVING AWAY!:(

2010-06-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

Babyy's gonna move house next week le. Just the thought of it makes me upset.
Coming to think about it, its here where we gotta know each other, here that we've been through a number of things together, and here, where we started our story. I just kept thinking that once he move away, everything seems so different. When midnight I wanna come out and those times where I could just give him a call and he would be down in seconds, when last min I wanna drink and he could come down. It would be all different once he move.:'(

Maybe its because of this that keeps me awake and can't sleep. I just can't face the fact that once next week comes, it'll all be change. I just wish that that day would never have to come. I don't know why my heart just feels ... I don't know what is this weird upset plus more emotions inside me. I just hate to see him leave and all this. It'll be even much more lesser time we get to see each other.. I just hate it man..

2010-06-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

Ohh my goshh, -.- I can't believe that I'm stuck at home at this point of time doing nothing. Went out with chest, Wei chong and babe just now. Supposed to watch the world cup but I guess it was just too bring and babe was blind! Chest went home left the 3 of us. Playing blind mice? LOL. Yeahh childish but still there's a kid in everyone of us right? xD Anyways, chest bought me a cup of tehh bing for my bdae. Thanks best friend! Appreciated.:DD After that went to meet babyy awhile..

It's been quite awhile since we've gone out bii. I really hope that it'll be soon yeah? I miss spending time with you alone.:X Quite awhile since we went out together to enjoy. :$ And we hardly spend much time with each other these few days. I understand that you're tired cause of your work.:) But still, my feelings for you will stay strong!:):) I still love you a lot babyy.^.^

2010-06-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

Don't get mad when your girlfriend is ANGRY or JEALOUS over you, rather, start worrying when they don't even give a damn or cares about what you do.

You made me made up my mind already. If getting angry and jealous over things which you did makes us quarrel and you totally don't care at all not even trying to please your own girlfriend makes everything even worse, I shall not if it makes you happier. But don't come asking me why am I not getting jealous and stuffs like this cause from what I see, it's pointless.

I'm in a confused state. I don't know what am I thinking. Why am I even here. Why is it so different. Why this why that.. How I wish that time would just turn back, to the day which we just started. The way you pamper me and no matter what I do, you would still try to please me. Whenever I get jealous, you will just talk to me, sweetly gently. I really wish, the wish for my birthday. Sometimes I do really miss the past times we're together. I really miss your pampering but you are not doing any of this things now making me feel totally unsecured.

I'm afraid.. Afraid of what? You seeing other girls, wanting to know them and slowly falling for them. I'm afraid of your feelings for me will just fade. Afraid of this and that. But do you even know about all this stuffs? No. And why did'nt I tell you? Its cause you would just say, your trust level is too low. After that, you just would'nt care at all. Sometimes I do stupid things hopefully you'll get jealous or what or maybe care more for me, but it seems like you totally don't care no matter what I do.

2010-05-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

30th may 2010, I'll always remember this day.:)

The times where I spent with you today really made me just feel a heart ache but a happy feeling at the same time. It's like both of us has went back to the past when we both just started. This is what I really miss most and really want it to happen again, just like before. Babyy, I actually wanted to tell you all this just now but was too ... pai sehh? But it's what I really want most, for us to go back like last time. I really just wish that time would just stop there forever. Those huggs you gave me, words you spoke to me, it's all in my mind already. Those eyes and kisses just melted my heart straight away on the spot.:) It made it even more heart ache thinking if one day I had to leave you, and I pray hard the day will never ever come.:)

I just can't afford to lose you my boy. Seriously I hope and really pray hard everything will continue like this till death. I promise you that whatever we had said on the previous day, I'll change.:) But you must continue putting in effort to change everything too. Thng kaijin, this I assure you, you're my ONE AND ONLY in my heart till cow head and horse face comes to dragg me away from you and maybe even then.. I'll still be with you watching over you, taking care of you even if it means my anything.:):) I love you babyy currypuff! ♥♥♥251009 ♥♥ ♥

2010-05-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

I've never been more afraid then losing you my boy. After meeting you, I realised how important you're to me. Sometimes I do really miss the past, starting when I met you and how it progress. How many things you did for me and whatever things you did for me. I'm really touched by you. Those kisses you gave me really melted my heart down down down. Each look in your eyes, each hugs you gave me, I really can't forget.:) Babyy boy, I really love you and it really can't be express in words. I really don't know how to tell you, how much I care for you and everything. Can we fly this kite of ours till death? I don't know but what I'm sure of is I've given you my heart and love. I know I've put my heart into this. We've been through a lot and I believe that we'll be able to go through this obstacle. With you around I trust that anything is possible.:) I love you dear babyy boy..251009--x33

2010-05-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Can't she just go find another guy to msg instead of you? Why must she come and snatch you from me? Can't she just go find other guys if she's so despo?

2010-05-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

You just don't seem to care about me when I'm sick. Vomiting and you just don't bother asking about how I feel. But when she just tells you she's being worn out, you can't help but to care about her. Who is your girlfriend in the 1st place?? You message and care about her when you don't even bother messaging your own girlfriend to even ask her how she feels. You message her and delete the messages, I'm pissed off. Jealous, crying but I can't do anything and just see my own boyfriend being snatch away like this. Being flirt by a girl. If you had just left the msg there I would be jealous, angry but would it be for long?? No. How do you really expect me to trust you even more? I can confidently say if I were to msg you like: your girlfriend? You not going bangkok I think about it I siann sia.. You confirm won't reply me. Just by her this msg, it already proves she misses you. The way she msg you is already damn flirt. You told me: " you think I will so easily get flirt away??" But have you thought about it.. if there was a guy who did the same thing to me and I reply him in a happy manner, as a boyfriend would you be happy that your own girlfriend is being flirt and you can't do anything to stop it but just watch it floating away?? Can you even stand in my shoes to think about it? No you didn't. She worn out and I'm sick. I'm your girlfriend but you don't bother to care about me but her much more. If you hadn't notice, msges you send to me are cold. But the way you msg her, its totally different. How can just asking about her dad lead to you going bangkok? Sometimes I feel like just deleting her contact, but I didn't. Cause I understand that its your father's good friend in the 1st place. I'm fucking jealous, crying.. but all I can do is to watch all the flirting happen. I wanna stop it. But I've got no ways.. can you even feel how I feel if you were me?

You're bdae outing I plan it so hard for you. Baking the cake for you with all my effort for the 1st time. You just don't seem bother. Got burnt by a no of times but I didn't say. But there's not even a least of appreciation hugg telling me thank you. I'm already being more understanding and mature but you don't seem to notice it. Just like what chest said: relationship is like flying a kite, you take in too much.. the kite will lead to a break, you let it go too much, it'll soon fly away. I'm trying hard to fly this kite of ours for as long as I can but are you trying so? If it was last time and I'm jealous, you'll at least try to make me happy and I appreciate that. I feel secured. But now you just seem not to care about everything but care for another girl more which makes me feel more and more insecure. You put all the blame on me, but think about it properly.. you've not made me feel secure for quite a long time. That's why it'll lead to all those quarrels. You would used to msg me all those sweet stuffs but you just don't anymore.. how would you feel if I were to just like not care about you when you're sick or what. You'll confirm feel insecure. I'm a girl. Girls tend to feel insecure easily. Not a guy. I wanna make you jealous so as to see whether you still care, but you don't. What am I supposed to do? I just wanna tell you so much and how important you are to me but whenever I see you.. It can't come out. I just hate myself to the max.. watching my boyfriend being flirt by and I can't do anything else but to watch you slowly floating to her side. I hate it, I hate it, I just hate you elinaaa!! I still have so much more to say to you, tell you but I don't know how to express it out and when you don't understand I get very frustrated. I get angry with you but mostly angry with myself. That's why I told you before, I can't get angry with you for long cause it's myself and hatred I'm frustrated with. I wanna fly this kite with you till old but do you even or still understand? You're always putting all the blame on me and I'm feeling more and more useless. I'm only watching you getting flirt by and can't do a single shit. I wanna ask you stop contacting and meeting her but I know can't. I'm just watching happen being jealous all about it..

2010-05-24T04:09:00.001-07:00

That flirt has been msging him again. Doesn't she have anything else better to do at all?? The feeling now I'm having is like my bf got snatch away by a flirt. And the best thing of all is that he just seem so happy msging him. How I'm feeling now is like wtf lahh.. I really feel like just giving a tight slap into her face and just tell her to f*** off from him. I really hate myself for really so called throwing myself to him. I feel cheap.. I feel hurt. But I'm does he even cares? I feel a no.. it seems that he cares about that flirt more then me. He seems so entertain by her. I just feel like crying now.. but I'm controlling.. I just hate you elinaaa!!! Why are you like what your parents said.. a cheap one..

2010-05-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

Oh my fishing god! You're just so irritating can! F***-ing piece of shit. -.- You're just like a stalker. Just like what exactly sister said.:X

Now with boy boy here. -.- Say wanna watch show together de.. ended up his doing his fucking own things, leaving me alone.. :( Whats even so great about all this so called "cartoon" shows.. -.- Reading his stupid manga. Wth lahh. I really did try to match his interest with mine, forcing myself to do the things which I'm not interested with.. trying my best so be the one which you want me to be. Changing myself to get this whole thing to be better. But sometimes you're just too not tactful. Angry I can't be angry, upset I can't get upset, cause I know I can't be against you for long. I really hate myself for being so useless. Why have I change to become such a no backbone person??!! This is'nt the last time me at all. I just hate myself for giving in to him yet he does'nt know anything about it. How useless can I be. I hate you elinaaa!!

2010-04-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

Pretending to be someone you're not, pretending to like somethings which you totally like NOT, and still having to smile on the surface, this is what I call pain.

2010-04-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

If you can just hack care about whatever I said and continue watching it, doing all these stuffs behind my back hiding it from me, what more else can you still do?

Sometimes I really do wonder, do I even still exist in your heart? If yes, why do the things which I say you don't really go bother about it?

My emotions has totally been mixed up. Am I up-sad, unhappy? Or am I angry? Or is it just that I've just become numb to it. If I've really become numb to it, then why do I still feel some sort of weird feeling inside me?

I'm jealous. Really really jealous. That you would rather pick a non living creature then me. What else more can I say? I've done so much more than I should be doing. I've done my part. But I feel unless to the max. That I can't make you understand at all. Its useless for me to say anything already cause I totally feel I have no more rights..

2010-04-25T03:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks to you I'm lost, desperate. I need a break from you. People, why don't you understand what I've all along been trying to say. What in the world is so difficult? Can't you even see that I'm lost? So long so hard so tough but I'm still trying my best to be the one you want me to be. But why do you only see the negative and efforts were being drain down to the toilet?

Elinaaa is'nt Elinaaa. I've lost my craziness lost myself. Thanks uhh.

I just wanna move out as soon as possible. Renting a home somewhere far from you. And never have to contact you anymore. So what if others say I'm childish? I don't bloody give a damn now cause they don't even understand a damn thing I'm talking neither do they get the full pic. The only person that can understand is me and me. D, is not that I don't understand a thing that you're talking. I know and I appreciate it. But its just that things that you've told me to do, I've done and tried. But it's useless. You will say I've not tried my best but you're not me. I know whether I've tried. And I'm tiring, I GIVE UP! I'm not childish. If D you said and really think so, you really understand me.. NOT.:)

What I know now is I just wanna continue my life with you. Spending each and every moment with you. It's called being very very VERY greedy.:D:D As a girlfriend, it's not bad right? xD

2010-04-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

I just keep having this very weird feeling in my heart. A feeling of being very insecure. I don't know how am I gonna explain to you D. What am I supposed to do?

Wherever I go, its like there's no sense of belonging. The feeling is like no matter how big the world is, tou meii you wo rong shen zhi cu. Sometimes I just wanna burst out everything, I just need a listening ear who is patience enough to listen. But is it that difficult who can find a person who really understands all which I say?

Who would really wan a selfishh, self-centered, not even understanding and always forces her own bf to do things which he is'nt happy like me? I'm just a person who just wanna see you everyday cause I miss you. This is a simple reason but you said it till I feel like i'm some kinda slut and bitch who throws myself to you even when I know you don't like it. Hearing it, I seriously feel very cheap as a girl. Do you even know all this things when you told me how did I ever feel?

Upset but I don't show it to you. You've got a loving family which I yearn for so much but I don't have. Troubles are kept but do you even know about how much it really affects me? Yes I'm smiling, but I'm bleeding on the inside.

2010-04-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

Why am I afraid that you'll leave me someday?
Sometimes I do doubt your words which I know I'm so not to do that?
I just don't know how to tell u or describe how I'm feeling now.:X
This suck..

Woke up at around 1plus today. Head was spinning around. Stomach was so damn pain, went toilet. Felt like vomiting but nothing came out.:( Felt so damn empty and whole body was feeling so weak. What is happening to me mann.... Went to have lunch then to D's place to rest after that home. I just hate this family ... It just does'nt seem right. It's like some where which I don't belong in. That's just a part of me of how I'm feeling. I just don't belong here.

2010-04-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

Why do you still seem to be unhappy?
From the looks of your eyes, my feeling is telling me you're unhappy but you're just putting on a fake smile.
I'm confused. I don't know what I should do.
Messed up with the way of how I should be or do so that things will be right.
The looks from your eyes tells me you're suffering and upset, but you just don't wanna let me know.
It shows everything.

Went to work today at D's parents stall. Woke up at around 530am! Goshh, it's tiring but still enjoy it. D dotes on me a lot and takes care of me super much. Thanks honey.:) xoxo. After work cab back to D's house to count the profit we made, got some money watch some shows after that went back "hell" take a rest. Woke up soon after call him but didn't pick up. Oh well, guess he's just super tired out. Went to chester's house slack awhile after that accompanied him to eat his dinner. That joker is forever making me laugh.:DD Next went to D's house to wake him up. He was just seriously sleeping like an *oink oink*.:X Well he is one I guess. xD haahhs. After so went to ate super with his sister. Full, but not to the max. After that we proceeded home. D, you're just so cute can? Somethings which I'm thinking you won't get to know about cause I just hadn't got a single idea. I'm worried, worried about stuffs that happen last time. Its gonna last right? Some were not being told to you as you're stress enough and I don't wanna burden you anymore. Neither do I wanna make you worry. There's always a way out in everything and by not giving up, we're one step closer to gain a better us. There's more to meet the misty eyes. Its gonna last! I need your support and confidence that it will! So whatever happens, don't think giving up is the easiest way out. Cause you're just running away from the problems! Support from you! COME ON! PROVE IT THAT I'M RIGHT! ELINAAA!! STAY POSITIVE, STAY STRONG!! But in order for all this to happen I need you, Its not gonna be easy for me but as long as there's your support and strength for me we'll make it to the top and prove to those who doesn't believe in miracle and 1% chance!

2010-03-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

If only you knew how important you were to me,:) you would have known that you've made a big impact in my life. Sometimes I'm afraid that this won't last which I really don't want it to happen. This feeling can't be said neither describe it out. Just walk into my heart and you'll know what I meant. At times I might not really know what you're thinking which really makes me worry as your thinking are about negative thoughts about us. I don't know why I'm saying it but I wanna let you know, although you're not rich or anything, I DON'T MIND. I just can't afford to lose you. I meant what I say.:) Its all cause my "heart" for you is exploding and I don't know how to let you know and express it out to you, as you know you can be quite blur at times.:) But I like it the way you are now. Dd, if you don't mind and not sick and tired of us tgt, it will be long lasting until death comes or even maybe even afterworld, forever? Right?:X Thats really what I wish for. I would really want us to put down whatever that has happen those unhappy moments in the past and continue it afresh.

A family of currypuffs! That what I wish and really want most to happen for us.:)
ღ❤ --251009--❤ ღ

2010-03-13T00:46:00.001-08:00

I'm just so boredd with somethings mann. -.- Now at babyy house doing short blogging. But he like bo chap me lidat. ... Damn siann can... Gonna go out relax later ah. Super siann at his house ah. His
cousins came over then his attention like super diverted to them ah. zZz He like just pass me the com then don't care about me alr. -.- Stupid idiot him. -.- Hate him ahh..

2010-03-06T05:20:00.000-08:00

Everytime when we meet might just be the time where we meet for the last time. Everysince I heard about somethings from you, I've just been thinking about it without fail without missing it for a second. 3 more months.. I really don't look forward to it. If there was ever a chance for it to last, I'll really want it. But you said my request was getting higher and my expectations towards you was getting more difficult towards you. Whatever things I did, I know I do it for you and not for myself. You said I was making use of your care and concern towards me. Maybe you're right, but I did it unknowingly. But have you ever thought why? I did it for your own good and not whether you're happy with it. I did'nt mean it. The moment you told me about 3 more months and we might not be able to be together anymore, thousands of arrows pierce through my fragile heart. You might laugh, but this was the feeling. Kai Jin is'nt Kai Jin anymore but just an empty shell.. Kai Jin = elina.. If you're changing for the better why not? I think the person that does'nt understand is you. I really don't know how to explain to you, but I know stuffs which I did are for your own good. Things which I done for you were not seen at times and not appreciated, Sometimes even get unknown scoldings from you. I cried, do you even know? No you don't. I did'nt wanna let you know or let you feel guilty. It was'nt suppose to let you know. But I guess a paper can't cover fire. I was'nt able to sleep thinking about what you said. I smiled infront of you happily but unknowingly let you saw through. 3 more months.. *haahhs* when I really planned to spend my rest of life with you cause I gurantee you're the person which I wanna be with, be it sadness or happiness, you're the one.:) Memories I thought back was sweet and not only smiling but sweetness in my heart as well. I did'nt regret. You said sweet moments won't last long but if you really believe in the 1% chance, I believe we'll be able to work it out and moments like this will be able to last till my grave. I really love you a lot and really don't look forward to that few months.. --251009--x33

2010-02-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

What did I even do to owe you this type of things?
I just hate you guys ah. Wake up early in the morning all you know and do is to just nag and nag. My limits are almost there and I'm just gonna explode any moment. Fuck this family lahh. So what if you're my dad or mom? I'm 19 already lahh, old and bigg enough to know whats black and white. Going out at night just a short while also can't? Whats this man. Stop it with your rubbish ' old don't die ' -.- I'm just gonna try my best to take in more and more anger, not being able to vent it out and hopefully I won't go madd cause of you guys. Few more months, I'll just have to take it for few more months and I shall move out, cut contacts with all of you. Call me unfillal, But I just don't care cause you know what you did.

Love you for being soo....

Cute? EWW.. but its the fact. Haahhss. :D:D

Hate you for always being soo..

LAZYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU BYTOCH! :'(

2010-02-20T04:57:00.000-08:00

我恨你,我又很愛你, what am I supposed to do?

Hate you for doings things which always have to hurt me,
Hate you for always breaking my trust,
Hate you for doing things behind my back without asking for my opinion,
Hate you for lying to me.

Love you for things you've done,
Love you for steping into my life,
Love you for showing me that there's always a 1% chance,
Love you for not leaving me,
Love you for always protecting me,
Love you for you loving me so much.

2010-02-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

我恨你, 我又愛你, 我該這麼辦?

If one day I were to just suddenly disappear away from your life, what will you do?
I'm angry with you, upset. Why did you even break your promise to me when you said you would be back? What had even happen to our sweet moments? I gave you an inch but you took a yard. I let you went and you personally said you would be back, but look whats happening? I asked you to accompany me to eat you said you did'nt want you want to go home. But when they asked you to accompany them, you just wanted. *laughs* What does this even meant? You said you wanted to go home before 12. These are just all excuses.

If you manage to read this, you can find me at home.

2010-02-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

Sick of crying;
Tired of trying;
Yeah I'm smiling;
But inside I'm dying..

Having sort of cold war recently at home. Parents are being more and more paranoid which makes me feel so.. I just wanna break free from them. Sometimes I do get sick of life. Like I'll be thinking, "Why don't I just die quiet and peacefully? Maybe people will be happier that way.." People say seeing their homes is just like a heaven. But for me, seeing them is like having a black aura outside my house. It's just like entering hell..

What will I even do without you in my life? I have to admit but you're the best and cutest one I've ever met. Those times we spend together, it makes me smile sweetly not only on the inside but the outside too.:) But everytime you say the word break, I'll go into panic. You've said the word break to me for like so many times. Can''t you just stop saying that? Every single time you're in a bad mood, I really tried talking sense to you. But it always end up in a quarrel. Where did the past times when I was able to throw my tantrums and no matter how wildful I was, you would try your best to give in and make me happy? You would always make me happy and cheer me up? At times I know that I'm in the wrong but its all about tantrums.:X

2010-02-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

Did'nt blogg for quite sometime le. Babyy started working for quite sometime le. Time we spend together will be lesser and whats worse now he has started to OT. So great ehh.. Seeing him work till like this I can't help but felt very heart pain. He's losing his temper more and more easily. Watching work his ass out but as a gf I can't do a single fuck shyt at all.. it makes me feel fucking hell useless. Told him a hell lots of times not to work till like shyt he's just so freaking stubborn. Maybe its the fact and truth that i'm a useless, not understanding, fucking self-centered and selfish. Sitting back just seeing him does all these things and I can't help a single shyt at all really makes me.. fucked up. I JUST HATE MYSELF! He's getting so tired already but I just can't seem to make him stop working his ass out. I HATE MYSELF JUST HATE ME TO THE EXTREME. He's losing his temper towards me more and more often and all I can do is just tahan..

Babyy please stop making yourself work till like that. My heart hurts..:'( I really want to hugg you so tightly never have to let you go at all.. forever.. This love for you will last.. this I give you my word. You're NOT useless at all.. if you are able to work till like this it already proves that you must need motivation. Look at what you're doing now, for just another 50 or 150 bucks incentive? I would'nt call this useless. My babyy will never be useless in my eyes.:) In fact you're just perfect.:) For me.. AND ALSO STOP ASKING ME TO GIVE UP! I STILL HAVE GAS AND IT WOULD'NT RUN OUT FOR YOU! I'M ALSO GONNA REFILL YOUR GAS TOO! SO DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO GIVE UP UNDERSTAND CURRYPUFF?! :):) <33251009

2010-01-13T20:44:00.000-08:00

Did not go school today. Sick.. T.T my throat is like tourturing me. Whether like cold cold like that. At babyy's house now doing short blogging.:) Went to his house break in AGAIN. -.- Saw him sleeping like a ball curl up I see him like so cute let that. The moment I saw him I really feel like hugging him mann. hee.. going to clinc soon . Just can't have enough of him ahh. Don't know why.. The moment he is not with me, I'll start missing him. >< Love babyy lots.:) He really like taking good care of me. Now its like getting more and more easier to get jealous compared to last time. 0.0 why ohh..

2009-12-24T05:13:00.000-08:00

2nd day since he left, don't know why it feels like everything I do is like totally super no mood. Not even concentrating with whatever things that I'm doing. Counting down the days that he'll be coming back. Its like super torturing ahh.:X He ENJOYING himself over there and me here waiting for him to come back as days goes pass slowly.. arghhh.. I'm like missing him a lot ahh.. Babyy faster come back!
Hate myself for being so weak. Elinaaa!!! Hang in there mann..

2009-12-23T04:12:00.000-08:00

Babyy just went onboard the plane few hours ago. Starting to miss him already. Time please faster pass so I could see him again. I just can't wait till i get to see him again. What am I even gonna do after he's gone. Well I guess just rot at home? As promise to him I'm gonna stay at home and takecares of myself.:) Babyy, remember wat u promise me too! Don't know how long can I hang in there till he comes back. Love him lots!

2009-12-17T07:49:00.000-08:00

Babyy, all I can say to you now is a thousand times of thanks for always being the one who trust me not leaving my side. Thank you. You have no idea how deep you went into my heart already.:) Now what I feel is that I no longer treat you as those type of important person. It has went into a deeper feeling that is really.. No words can describe. Things that you do really took my heart away into same place that is only the world of two of us. Each hugg and kiss you gave me brought me to a place where I really feel safe. Being with you is like being protected not by a normal human being but by something else. The trust that you gave me and always trusting me staying by my side no matter what the outsiders say really touched me deeply. I don't know what I can do expcept saying lots of thanks.:) I'm yours..totally, and I really hope no one come in between us. You're always there for me and I really appreciate a lot. Not only do I want to be with you now, but forever and never have to be seperated. I know that I'm very wildful and hot tempered at times and I can see that you're giving in to all this bad habit of mine. Being with you I can really show my true self not having to be afraid at all, not only this, but I can be as wildful as I want and I know you'll be angryy at times but you just.. :) you know what I mean. I really love you, not a bit but a lot. You made me stop living in my memories, giving me a lot of smiles and laughter that no guy can ever replace this. I'm touched speaking the facts and I don't know what to do or how to express it except for being with you for as long as you want.:) woaiini. x33 --251009--

This msgg goes to my brother.
Aaron, thanks for giving me the support which I need most at a point of time when no friends trusted me and only you did. I'm really not only touched but grateful with what you did. Thanks, I'll really last longg with him. no worries. Only time can prove to you what I say is the truth. And lastly, brother thanks for the trust that I needed most.:)

2009-12-15T03:31:00.000-08:00

I'm just afraid that you'll go missing again someday. Just one word from you telling me that this day will never come a second time. You have no idea how worried I was. x.x Relationship is all about trust give in and take. Elinaaa always remember this!!! Love is'nt anything about having a deal or what so ever. Don't make relationship sound like its a game like having deal. Guys, you should know better, please butt out if you ever see this. Its between me and him ONLY. This is just a small warning to you. I'll go to the extreme worse if you ever play with me or chap chiu in our things again. I can be muchh more evil then you think.

AND PEOPLE OUT THERE~~ MY BF WANTS ME TO POST THIS.
BABYY, I LOVE YOU. I PROMISED YOU WITH WHATEVER I CAN THAT I'M TRUE TOWARDS YOU. ♥♥♥251009♥♥♥

Super gian song horr he?! But I think its cute, and I like it, It enough for me.:):):)

2009-12-14T06:32:00.000-08:00

I MISS YOU! They asked me not to be worried. On the surface I may seem heck care, but how can I not be worried? I really miss you a lot ahh.

2009-12-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

wow.. I did'nt know I'm one of those sluts who cheat guys money. Shock to hear this from friends ah, and what's worse is that my parents said so too. Hurting mann.. I thought you guys would know what I am how I am and who I am, but I was wrong to the max. yeahh, Sluts, bitches what else.. cheating guys moneyy thru using my body? Who do you think I am. If you guys dunno me well just shut your mouth up ah. Do not judge people by their actions or what so ever. What you guys are seeing is just on the surface but have you guys ever seen the suituation and what's going on. Fuck it man.

2009-12-06T22:21:00.000-08:00

Doing a short blogging now. Don't know why it feels weird ah. Ever since hearing that babyy went to drink with two girls, though he kept telling me that those two girls are like 'buang' I can't deny it but seriously speaking, I'm jealous. Seeing that babyy's hand got so many scars due to cigg burnt, my heart is in pain ever single time I see it. And still can't sleep well cuz of what happen ytd. I keep thinking about the part where he go drinking with two girls. I'm like feeling super jealous ah. It was'nt used to be like this last time. Why now? I don't wanna feel so jealous so easily. I'm scared of a heart break again. I don't know what should I do to keep myself from feeling this way. I'm just so damn du lan and irritated with myself. I just wanna stop myself in whatever I'm doing. I don't wanna fall for you anymore. Its enough. The more easily I get jealous, the more it means I like you. I don't want that to happen cuz the more I like you the more I'll control you and the more you would be unhappy. I think I'm afraid of losing you even more than you losing me. I'm stuck. Why have you captured my heart till like this. What am I even supposed to do now when I'm saving you but not saving myself at all as I fall deeper. NOO..

2009-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

So now I understand that you're not totally mine at all.

My CA once told me what for you need a BF if you find friends are much more inportant. I thought over it, its true. If you were to do this right now, you will do that in the future to your future wife. Don't say you won't cuz it's part of you already. Babyy, you once told me that I'm was very important to you but from your actions and what I see, what you once told me was a lie. You said that you were going home straight away but you promised them that you were going to find them. Then what about you going home that you told me? If I was important to you, you wouldn't have broke those words which you told me. From your actions and everything, I can see that you totally don't need me at all. As long as you have your friends and brothers would be enough for you.
I thought that if you were to go home, I could call or train your character up to try my best to entertain you. But ended up you told me that you really wanted to go and ask me not to let you be in a difficult position. It hurts really a lot. But no matter how much I didn't wanna let you off, I still let you go out of my sight. This feeling sucks but I still must bear with the pain, anger, sadness and disappointment. I really wanted you to get home ASAP to get as much rest as possible. But you didn't understand my good intention at all. You made me feel like a damn fucked up fucking hell badd person when you said I was letting you in a difficult position. If that's the case then in future just go ahead and do whatever you wanna do. I won't stop you already. Sorry for putting you in a difficult suituation. I'm so damn sry. Just do what you wish to do. I won't stop you already. Don't say that sometimes you will do things against my wishh or what if those things that I don't want you to do you won't do it. Your actions proves otherwise. If you really know how to think, you wouldnt have done this.

2009-11-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

If there was ever a time when I could just kill you and get away with it, I would. Cause you totally have no idea how muchh I hate seein you..

School getting suckier and boring day by day. Life getting boring day after day. I really just wanna run away from it. I'm just getting fed up about somethings. Questions kept flowing thru my mind. "Why? Is it cuz bla bla bla?" Why are we just not like how we used to be? Is it something that I did? Or is it cuz of something else. But what I can feel is the weirdness and the atmosphere around is totally empty. It is'nt how it used to be. Is this how we end?

Babyy, IMY! If you get a chance to read this, don't think too muchh. It is'nt any probs about u or justin or u know lahh. So don't worry about anything.:) Meanwhile, concentrate and keep trying! You're suceeding.:) Muchh thanks to you. Thousands of kisses to u boyy. Without you I think I would still have been kept in my own memories of mine. I would still be living in the past.--x33 251009:)

2009-10-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Went out with Zhong Yi and Kai jin to tampines Safra. Played pool. Stress ah I play with them. :X Both of them like clear table so fast lahh. Next we proceeded to TM ate, then went to window shop. After that slack awhile den went home. Thanks a lot you guys! Meeting u all was a good thing. You guys really entertain me a lot made me busy with things so that I won't keep thinking about stuffs. Haahh. Appreciated! :D:D

2009-10-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

Weeks haved passed since. I'm still trying hard, my best to forget about you.:'( But it seems like a total failure to me. My heart is confused again. I don't know what am I supposed to do. Had sleepless nights. Didnt ate well. Problems are in my mind. I wanna settle it myself. How?! I asked myself. What are the solutions? Babyy, i'm still willing to come back to you if you're willing to change. Just a little and I'll still be with u. Wo shi zhen de hao xiang nii! Zhen de hao aii nii, aii dao kuai yao kan bu jian wo zi ji le. ♥♥♥23.05.09♥♥♥

Meeting Kai jin and friends ltr to drink. Saturday gonna go out at K! Wth.. it's like been ages since i went. xD Last time i went was like.. wif chester, oswin and baobeii? yeahh.. anyways, i'm like being to hard on myself. Stressing myself on things. :X But it's okays. At least I feel its worth it.:):) Signing off now~ WOOTS. :D:D

2009-10-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

Memories are still flashing back in my mind. Words have been spoken many times. Promises made by you became empty. Though you're no longer with me, my heart is still attached with you. If I was being given a second chance, I would still have chose the same old path. Cause I did'nt regret being with u. U said u were'nt a good one. But to me it does'nt matter. I still loved u the way u are.

Questions were being asked by people, I did'nt know what to reply. What can I do in order to not let these things happen? Whatever things u did I did'nt made a single complain or grumble at all. I blamed myself for not being able to be the perfect one for u. I blamed myself for being such a failure. Babyy, I really miss u a lot. You're 24 seven in my mind. That's the fact. Words can't really describe how lousy my feelings are now. But I do hope that we can be how we're again. I'm now living in my memories to survive without u with me. 23.05.09 is forever being loved by me. I'm always with u. Always rmb dat! ♥♥♥

2009-08-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

You've made me upset once again. You promised me things again and again but ended up with broken promises. You bring me hopes but once again destroyed it infront of me. Why are you always doing this I kept asking myself. I'm trying hard not to listen what people around me are saying. I'm trying to bring myself to trust you. Trusting you what you're always telling me. But things you're doing is always pulling my trusts away from you. How do you expect me to trust you? I don't know how. :'(

2009-08-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

I'm lost. Confused with my things. Stress over what people beside me are saying. Lost because I've been blinded. I don't know what I should do. I'm scared, scared that I'll make a wrong decision and the wrong path and I'll regret. I'm in pain but I don't know what to do. I'm suffering but no-one knows. Bii, can u tell me what's the truth? What is it in your mind? How do you really feel? I'm stuck in the middle. Things that you do really upsets me a lot and is pulling my trust away from you. But you seem not to care at all. I've talk and talk to you, telling you how i felt. But it just doesnt change. Things that you say and do is totally the opposite. You've really change, compared to the past where we met and now, it's a total of damn bigg difference. If I really want you to be happy I should let you go. But what if the things that I'm thinking is wrong? I don't wanna regret..

2009-07-31T06:33:00.000-07:00

The pass few days keep writting amber menu. Shagg mann. Didn't sleep at all. My classmates funny ahh. See all of their faces, can see that they all chiong chiong chiong to finish writting those menus lorr. All their faces is like damn tired those one of the kind sia. haahh. Anyways, went home early today after school went to sleep!! I really lagg of sleep sia. So tired can. Tomorrow still going out wif babe for the national rehersal. LOLs. Hopefully can see him there tomorrow. Just one peek at him I'll be statisfied.:]:] Total of two weeks didn't get to see babyy le. I WANT $$$!!

2009-07-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

Heyy peeps! I'm back!! haahh.

Went out to Kai Leng's house to do our project which is gonna due this coming saturday, so chiong chiong chiong all the way ~ Reach KL's house we started doing our stuffs. So cute lahh her doggie! Her parents were friendly too! Talk to us like friends. Bought us things to eat! *yum yum* So nice of them. Thanks thanks ehh. After that went to eat dinner with zhar bor and nu ren. Next home sweet home! I'm like so shagg ahh. I NEED KACHING!! GRRR..

2009-06-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

THE FEELING OF BEING NEGLECTED REALLY DOES'NT FEEL GOOD.

I'm tired. Just exhausted of everything. Don't know why do I have a feeling of being neglected. Seriously speaking, what am I to you? Am I even important or what so ever? Why do I keep having this feeling that you're getting sick and tired? Why do I also have a feeling that you're being with me for the sick of being with me?

Putting up a forceful smiles and pretending to be happy, keeping all your sorrows inside you really does'nt feel good at all. But I don't even think that I have a way of turning back. Life fucking hell sucks. My life. BABYY, I REALLY NEED YOU! x33 If only you knew how sucky I'm feeling. I don't know how to speak up to you. Fuck this damn feeling mann..230509<33 ILY; IMY.

2009-06-24T01:28:00.000-07:00

EAT, SLEEP, SLACKK.

That's myy life mann. I know, BOREDD. Having holidays, waiting for babyy to get out of camp. 'Hearts' him lots lots.:D:D Told him not to bua any stunts inside camps so he would be able to book out. Advise him not to bet too much but he still did. -.- as long as he knows what is he doing, I'll fang xin.:]:] Just miss him soo sooo much! But I can't do anything except wait paitiently for him to book out, soon.^^

Gonna go out soon. Yeahh.. I'm just blogging to pass time. xD (I heard Jerald is out from RTC already? Omg, I'm so gonna wait for his call. Just miss him much too. I fulfilled my promise to him, and I hope he didnt broke his too.=/)

2009-06-11T06:01:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥ BABYY, IMY; ILY.

It's like been a long long time since I last updated my blogg man. I think it's like rotting lah. LOLs. Did nothing today except sleep and sleep. Haahh, I know that's what pigs do but I'm so not a pig alritez. Can't wait for weekends to come cause I will be able to see him again. >.< I'm so looking forward to lah. He told me said he had fractured his wrist and thumb. Really made me worried for him sia! Heart pain pain lorx, seeing him getting injured, rashes and abrasions always.:( *sayang* x33

Anywayys, needa go to school tomorrow cause got mini sports days. Haix, just one word. SIANN..

2009-05-29T00:38:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥ Babyy, I MISS YOUU!!

Heyys there.:D:D Babyy booking out today. Happy siol. Will be meeting him later for dinner. He said he wanted to bring me go eat nice food and gonna go drink again later. Can't wait sia. I'm missing him soo much already. It feels like years since the last time I saw him. -.- LOLs. Anyway, was late for school this morning again. Don't know why this feel dayys I got back to my old habit. BEING LATE FOR SCHOOL!! I'm like so fed up with myself lah. Sleep sleep sleep but it feels like I'm still so tired. Babyy said I was a piggy. -.- I'm soo not okays. >.< I'm just tired and sleepy, I guess. Gonna start work soon in ST REGIS hotel. Mummy told me said that Jie's school fees were very ex and she had no choice but to start to go out and work full time again.:(:( I told her don't bother giving me anymore money. I'll work and study at the same time to support myself. :]:] Hopefully I ehh tahan bah. Afterall, I'm really in need of money..

2009-05-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

LATE FOR SCHOOL TODAY!! MY GOSHH..

Woke up early in the morning taking my time to do my stuffs since already late for school. xD LOLs. My teacher ytd release me till so late, reach home around 12plus le. == Then still gotta meet papa in school at 8am and hand in my report to Mr Tan the next day. So chiong chiong chiong man. Bloody shyt. Damn shagg can?? But cause I was too tired out I ended up being late. >.< Went home halfway cause I was too tired to do anything. Saw the doctor and went home to rest. :D:D Maybe will be meeting Zijie tmr. THAT OLD AH HAI AND A PIGG OF MINE! xD

2009-05-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

Today woke up at 6plus. LOLs, so late. Then went to eat my dinner and zhar bor called me to meet her. So yeah, met her at whitesands and slack. Met Roy babyy and zhu and friends coincedencely. My talk cock group!:D:D Miss them lots man! Hahax, they asked me to watch midnitez movie but too badd, no money.:( Other time yeah guys. Then zhu said maybe he wanted to come find later to drink. So we'll see how.

Partly the reason why I left you is your attitude. I can't take the attitude you're always giving me. Eversince you gave me attitude for the first time, I've been trying hard not to attitude you back. But not once not twice but frequent. You are always giving me attitude soo often, you have push me to the end. It was the last and only resort I had to do. What's lost is lost. Stop brooding over me. Carry on with your life. I'm sorryy. You've always been hurting me again and again. This was the last thing which I could do. I tried to make you see. But I've failed. You still don't understand. If you could change for a better you, I'll come back. And of cause, school is the main reason.

2009-05-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

Went out with 520 guys, Ivy(baobeii) and Teng Hui(baby darlingg) :D:D They accompanied me back to pasir ris to check out on the chalet which we were gonna book. Went to my house to take my MC first then off to downtown. Talk a lot of craps lahx. LOL. Ivy made me laugh till I drool lahx!! wth.=.= so retard. MAN.. Then Wei Ting went to take bus go back home and the rest of us took train. Seperated with Kai leng, baobeii and baby darlingg at outram cause I was gonna accompanied zhar bor to harbour front to find her daddy for money. Next off to chinatown to xia huat to get zhar bor's stuff for competition.;];] After that went to makan makan then off to home sugar home.:D:D Anyways, this msg goes to all my 520 guys, baobeii & baby darlingg.

Thanks guys a whole bunch!! Really appreciated for what you guys did by just accompanying me from house to downtown. >.< You guys stay so farr and yet willing to come down with me. xD hahax. Damn sry to teng hui, accidentally smack your face. Don't angry horx! sryy, hope it does'nt hurt?:(:( yeah yeah:]:] <33 " Hearts " you guys the most! LOVES LOVES!

2009-05-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

YTD WAS ME AND ♥♥♥DEAR ONE MONTH ANNI.:]:] 090409..x33
LOVES LOVES.

2009-05-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

Sick this few days.:(:( Don't know why I've been feeling moody this days. Maybe it's due to my illness. Fought and quarrelled with my father yesturday over somethings. Still dam fucking pissed off with him. I swear to him that I will never forgive him and will hate him because of this. I told him that I did'nt have a like him. My father was dead a very long time ago. Sometimes I will miss the past. At least back then I knew I was much happier when I was with them. But coming to think about it. When was the last time we went out together as a family? When was the last time we went out to eat together happily? When was the last time we went shopping together? When was the last time we did things together as a family? I seriously can't remember. Doesnt family means all this?

Father
And
Mother
I
Love
You

But to me, this house is like a place for me to sleep and eat. Nothing else.. seriously confused with my feelings. I don't know what I want in life at all. I don't know how am I feeling at all. It's like all my emotions and feelings has totally been mixed up.

2009-04-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

BORINGG ~ EAT EAT EAT, SLACK SLACK SLACK.
Is that seriously the only thing I can do in life? Sometimes I just find it so boredd, I really have the temptation to go outside create some trouble. MAN.. I can't stand this kind of life. Waiting for darlingg to come back from tampines so I can go out to meet her.:]:] So I intended to blog to make time pass while waiting for her to call me.

♥♥♥ Four more days till Dear Dear comes out.:]:] I've been feeling restless just thinking about it. Can't wait man.. Dear, really miss you a lot. It feels like it has been years since the last time i saw you. Looking forward to the day where you can be by my side again. Huggs&Misses. ILY. x33

2009-04-24T06:04:00.001-07:00

Busy busy busyy.. School getting more and more fun but tiring too. Yeah.. and know what's the worse?? I just came back from school and heard my parents quarrelling. =.= Quarrelled about my sister and bert. WTF? Instead of helping and comforting each other in this kinda suituation, they're quarrelling. Stupidd man. Stress uh! What am I supposed to do to stop all this things from happening? I seriously just feel like running away from home. Just abandoning everything.:(:(

♥♥♥ 6 more days and dear would be out! Can't wait to see him. Really miss him eversince he went inside.:):) It's been sooooo longg since I saw him. I really want time to faster pass so I'll be able to see him soon!! Yeah ~ MY GRUMPY OLD MAN!! IMY; ILY. I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO COME OUT! I PROMISED. *mwarks mwarks* x33 090409

2009-04-17T06:01:00.002-07:00

Have been quite busy lately eversince school started. *Tired* Anyway, last time I saw ♥dear was wednesday. He stayed over at my house the day before cause it was easier for him to get back to his training camp. So yeah:):) He still has another two more weeks to go for me to be able to see him again. Really miss him though. Can't wait for time to pass. ^.^ Sister still in the same condition. Nothing much to say. Still looking after my mummy and sister. Stress with my school work cause the restaurant is gonna open soon. I so would'nt wanna disappoint papa and Mr Tan.:D:D Just gotta jiayouss and hopefully I won't make any mistakes!!

♥♥♥ Dear Dear, I really wanna get to meet you ASAP. But I also understand that you are very busy with your trainning and you're trying really hard to call me and have as much time for me as possible.:):) No worries, I'll wait for you to come out. You can have my words. I promise you not to drink and smoke so much too. I'll takecares of myself.:D:D ILY; IMY!! *mwarks*-x33

2009-04-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today was seriously a boring day for me. Woke up in the afternoon. Met up with dear♥♥ at pasir ris mrt station then proceeded to TM to buy my shoes.:):) Then went brought ♥ back home to let him see my parents since he was so looking forward into seeing them. Yeah, slack at home then met up with chest went to eat dinner and went to talk craps under the void deck. Chest, you're seriously full of craps. Smoke smoke smoke then went home! Boring~ next day still have school!!!! Grr..:(:(

♥♥♥ Dear, just wanna let you know. ILOVEYOU ILOVEYOU & ILOVEYOU! x33 Promise me you will not hurt me. Never to leave me and always have trust & faith no matter what happens. I don't wanna get hurt agai (even though I'm numb to it eversince what Amos did to me). But I'm trusting you to take good care of my heart by giving it to you and NOT breaking it. WOAIINI-090409♥♥:D:D

2009-04-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hey there!! Today met nich under my block, ate breakfast at express then we set off to go whitesands. While waiting for babe to come. We went to the arcade (again as usual, always.) to play. After that took train with both of them and I seperated off with nich at outram park to go vivo to look for babe's father with babe along to eat lunch together with him.:):) Then nich confess to me. Quite shock actually cause I was'nt mentally prepared and I also did'nt really expect him to like me though. But still accepted him at the end.;D;D happy ending uh. Hopefully the both of us will be able to last really really long.

Precious darlingg, I promise to be as perfect as possible for you. I hope being together with you will be different experienced to you. Cause I wanna bring back the smiles and laughter back to your face again. Hopefully being together with me will be able to bring you happiness and dump away all your bad memories. ILY. x33-090409

2009-04-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

Went out with nich today. Beginning we were like supposed to go escape. But last minute there was a change of plans. ESCAPE WAS CLOSED!! grr.. so we ended up watching movie instead. We watch the unborn together and i was practically screaming away.=X LOLS, nich was laughing all the way. Yeah.. I know that watching and hearing me scream and get shock was more entertaining than watching the movie. I know that nich. -.- lol. Anyways, after that we both went down to court together. Met up with drew and gang then went to arcade to let time pass. Next went to find babe to return her somethings slack slack slack then went back to arcade again. A little boredd but did have fun with them.:):)

I found out about my sister's condition. Getting worse now from what i heard from mimi and bert. Worried for her. Really worried..

2009-04-07T01:46:00.000-07:00

Woots ~ here waiting for the rain to stop I shall blog awhile before going to babe's house:):) Her mother invited me over for dinner. Sweet uh~ the rain is soo heavy. Pray hard that the rain would come to an end soon. (^.^) Anyway, have'nt met up with darlingg for quite awhile already. Missing her always.:D:D

On the other hand hope Jie the condition is much much better. At least now I can see the smiles back in her face.:):) But still, she might go back to her oldself any moment. will she? I totally have no idea.=X Hopefully not. Don't wanna think about it. OFF TO AUDI ~ ;D;D

2009-04-05T22:05:00.000-07:00

Recently at home happen lots of things. I'm really super stress about it. Baobeii and I broke up already. Actually it should be a good thing I guess so cause at least I will have one thing less to stress about. Sorry about it. If only i met you first before amos, everything might have a different ending. If I did'nt have so much problems at home I still might have been able to concentrate in the relationship with you. I'm really sorry about it.=/ Maybe in the future after I can forget about amos completely and I did'nt have much family problems, I might go back with you if you're still single.:):) It's because you're a really good guy. I'm serious. But if at that time your mrs right is infront of you, GO FOR IT! :D:D yeah?

On the other hand, I can't concentrate on you so much already. Problems at home are making me more and more worried then ever. The stress level at home is getting higher and higher. What am I supposed to do? I really wanna help out. But I can only do till a certain limit. I can't help out much.:(:( Jie.. everyone is now worried for you. Can't you see? Please brace up yourself!! The one who can only help you now is you yourself!! Please do try.. I don't want mimi and didi to be stress and upset about you. I don't want them to quarrel because of you. And as for me.. I'm at the edge of breaking down. I can't hang on any longer.. WAKE UP SOON!!!!!!!

2009-03-31T06:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to write i guess. Went to school early in the morning to have lessons with mr paul. GOD.. it was like "fantastic" yeah? xD Hours later it was our lunch break.:):) Mr paul gave us like one and the half hour. The canteen was'nt open so we went to clementi central there to eat. On our way there I saw Papa in his car driving to school. lols lols. Serene they all got a shock. After that we went back to school for more lessons of Mr paul. Man..how i wish it would faster come to an end and in no time, lessons ended:D:D <<<<>>> x( hahax. Well..I will still have to go school tomorrow. Great right? I know =X

Baobeii will be back in spore again soon.;D;D Well, I've decided to try to have more feelings for him. But the feeling of going out with Baobeii and going out with my other EXs' is totally different. We both lack of something. This relationship lacks of something which i don't know what is that.:(:( Going off to smoke now..

2009-03-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile since I blog again.

Anywayy.. it's holiday~!! For me;D;D yeahh. Went out with darlingg and ming those crappers. I was quite boredd actually but i always enjoyed being together with them.:):) Initally I went to express to meet them and waited for darlingg to come. Slack awhile..then i saw him. A person whom i really miss a lot and at the same time broke my heart the most. Next we went to ehub to slack and went home. Short day for me actually. AND I STILL NEED TO STUDY FOR MY FOOD AND HYGIENE TEST!! Godfather will scold me if i ever fail this test! prayy hard i will pass!

Amos Tan! why do you keep appearing infront of my eyes wherever i go?=/ Is it because God knows I miss you soo that's why he is letting u appearing infront of me always? I seriously feel guilty. -.- Baobeii treats me well but I'm still thinking of you. wtf?? But whenever Baobeii goes very near me..the further i will move. I'm scared of hurting Baobeii badly. I don't want Baobeii to be a second me.:( I don't know what to do to make myself like him. I'm really scared of hurting him. i know he's a good guy.. but this type of things can't be force. Right?

2009-02-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

Went out with wei en darlingg and others today. At first tt of going to alexsandra hospital to visit frederick after his operation but then he was being discharged before i even got there. So end up meeting darlingg and the rest. Went out to slack and talk craps with them. They are seriously fun ppl to be with man. We spend most of our time in the arcade playing and spending money on arcade.(quite a waste of money actually) xD After that we went our seperate ways cuz wei en parents was coming to WS to have dinner with her. Then we met up with wei ming and the rest again after finsih eating. Darlingg's daddy saw me smoking!! wtf.. how sway can i get man. At that point of time i was like 'DAMN! THERE GOES MY IMPRESSION IN THEM!!!" LOL! After slacking with them awhile more darlingg and gang sent me home. Damn guilty can? cuz all of them got caught in the rain because of me.:( Not long later i went home. Can say i did enjoy my day with them bahx.;D;D hahax. I really treasure my time whenever out with her. Hearts darlingg a lot.x33

But..the other side of me still misses baby lots. I'm just too upset till i can't cry out. I know if i cry out I'll feel much much better..but I'm crying and bleeding in my heart. Not on the surface. I know by drinking and smoking lots won't help me. But other then that..i can't find other ways to numb myself. Can I?? I don't even know. Drinking till dead everyday just makes me fall asleep fast but what about other nitez? I just keep running away from reality. Friends and others think I'm a strong girl. But I don't think soo..I know i'm just showing another side of me. Cuz I don't wan my friends to worry for me. Babyyy..I really miss you a lot. You can't trust me because of?? You don't understand me well enough.. Is there even a chance for us to be back together? Is it even worth for me waiting for you? I don't know. really fucking confused! Babyyy..your words and promises towards me just keeps repeating inside my mind. It just keeps flashing back. But still you broke your promises and whatever you said towards me.. are you still even trustable? Are all guys trustable? Are all guys like this? Just dump you away whenever they are sick and tired of you? babyy...;(;(;( --040209-- x33